((( 25th June 2009 )))

I have to write something, just as a record of how I feel right now. How can this affect me so deeply? Watching the TV last night and witnessing the whole shocking event unfold before me on my screen made me feel sad and sick to my stomach. Now it all seems so unreal, as if I'm living some sort of nightmare. It is strange how some people appear so permanent and unmovable. They have an almost invincible quality about them, even in their most desperate hour.

Of course I'm talking about Michael Jackson, who died last night...My goodness!..Even writing that sentence seems unreal. I'm an old person and I grew up in the 70's and 80's, which from my personal perspective was a great time to be alive, despite what the young and cynical trendsetters of today may try and make us believe. During this period music played a big role in my life. It was literally the soundtrack of my early years. When I think back to those days, it is hard to avoid a song or two from that era popping into my head. The songs of Michael Jackson make up a large part of those melodic memory flashes. His music always sounded fresh and vibrant. His music videos were (and still are) some of the most outstanding creations of that time, the sounds and the images went together so well. The album 'Off The Wall' contains some of the greatest dance tracks ever produced and now he has gone, they are sure to return in one guise or another.

It is hard to explain why his death has affected me so much. The feeling is similar to how I felt when I heard about the death of John Lennon in 1980, or Elvis Presley in 1977 and of course more recently, Princess Diana in 1997. These people seemed to have an aura of permanence surrounding them. The realisation that they too can pass away seems totally bewildering and hard to accept. Deep down I think that these events bring us face to face with our own mortality. It is a vivid reminder of the preciousness of life and just how fine that gossamer thread from which we all dangle really is.

Of course the sad part of this is that now he is gone, there will be many more stories and half truth rumours flying around and over time it will become even more difficult to tell fact from fiction. The only ones who will really benefit now are the tabloid newspapers and any human being who came within 10 feet of him for more than a day. Each one taking their pound of flesh from his memory.

For me it would be great to get to the bottom of all the allegations and trials that he had faced in the past, instead of new ones being constantly pulled from thin air. This highlights the vulnerability of those who live in the public eye. I suppose at this point I should say that I do not in any way condone the allegations or the acts that Jackson was supposed to have carried out, but an unbiased open investigation should have been carried out, instead of the media frenzy that happened instead. Already people are speculating about his death, some saying it was suicide and others saying that he took painkillers. It only adds to the feeling of sadness that his fans will be feeling over the next few weeks and months....and he still has many fans, as the recent sell-out of his intended fifty concert run in London clearly demonstrated.

I was hoping that writing this would make me feel better...

It has not.

The grey sky outside my window really reflects my mood so well. However I can take comfort in knowing that the shock will wear off and the sun will once again shine...just as it always does... Just as it always will.

(Misterduncan).......................................................................